“What is it that I deeply know, but have been afraid to live like it is so?” Neale Donald Walsch

Picture by hippy urban girl

This summer I am part of something called, “Circe’s Circle” run by life coach Jamie Ridler.  In the call last week I was talking about how hard it was for me to be proud of the work that I am doing.  One of the other women suggested to me that I needed to come up with a new word to use to describe myself, since when I used the phrase, ‘woo woo’ I had lots of trouble owning it.

As soon as I let myself process that, the word sacred popped into my head like a big Las Vegas casino sign, and I was drawn to get the book Style Statement off of my shelf.  It is a workbook aimed at helping you to define your authentic self.  I thought when I worked through the exercises a couple of years ago that I had come up with mine, but as it hadn’t stuck, I thought it was just another thing I had failed at.  As it turns out, I simply hadn’t got it right the first time.

Reading the definition of sacred, I felt like it was finally right.  Woo woo doesn’t convey the depth of connection or feeling that I have when I am working or feeling or noticing who I am.  Sacred feels richer and heavier and more… well… sacred somehow.  But that wasn’t the end of it.  As I read through the definitions of the other words, I got stuck on feminine.  Now I would usually have skipped right over that word, but that night something clicked deep in my core.

“Sacred Feminine,” I whispered, actually wondering why it felt so familiar before realizing that it is only the thing that I have written a whole book about.  The two words hum together in my head, equal parts who I am, what I believe and what I most need to embrace.

Most staggeringly of all, I explored all of this in my journal on my trip to Bath yesterday, and ended up rushing to finish in time to get off of the train.  When I sat down in Starbucks to wait for my girlfriends to arrive, I opened up my journal again and read the last thing I had written on the train: “… because now I know who I am.”  I don’t even remember remember writing it, but it gives me goosebumps to read.

So there it is.  I’ve given up woo woo for its deeper, richer cousin.  For better or for worse, I am officially reclaiming sacred, and you know what? It feels really, really good.

(This post got too long to go into what Sacred and Feminine mean to me – thank you for reading this far, I’ll tell you more another time!)

xo

“…I allow myself to be uncorked, unabashed, and showered with delicious good in every facet of my life.  I don’t need to fit in anymore, in the world of struggling, suffering, complaining, and belittling. I am going nova and that’s okay.” – Tama J. Kieves on CrazySexyLife.com

I did it again. I was going to write another post about woo woo, and in waiting for just the right moment to write it, I didn’t write it at all.  There is another post about it coming, but it’s not ready yet, so I wanted to check in.

Things in my head are quite strange, so I apologize if this is all over the place.  I just finished watching the movie Amelia.  It was gentle and lovely, and even though I knew how it ended, I willed her to make it just the same.  Sometimes I wonder if people were put on this earth just to show the rest of us how it is done.  We remember her for how her story ended, but the important part is that she lived.

A friend did a Reiki healing on me earlier this year.  When she got to my head she remarked that my energy felt like she was being given a deep fresh breath.  I’ve been thinking a lot about that in the months since.  I feel like there is a force, an energy within me that I haven’t quite accessed yet.  Lately I have realized that it is not from lack of trying but perhaps it is because I have been trying too hard.   What is important is not how my story ends, but the way that I have lived.  This isn’t new, or rocket science, but it is surprisingly hard to hold on to.

Just a few minutes ago I read the quote above and thought about the concept of going nova.  Nova: “a star that ejects some of its material in the form of a cloud and becomes more luminous in the process.”

Yes.  All I can say is yes.