“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, over and over again in my journals and in my head and to anyone who was listening.

One day, reading a lovely pink book that had nothing what-so-ever to do with ME, I got an answer:

“You silly, beautiful soul.  The only thing wrong with you is that you are obsessed with what is wrong with you.  Let the question go.  Love, dearest, whether gossamer or dense, rich or whimsical, is all you need to be.”

xo

“…once you glimpse the possibility of freedom, taste the ease of soaring, you can’t go back. Once you know, you can’t unknow.” – Geneen Roth

When I asked the Universe for a ‘break’ I didn’t mean a broken foot.   But this foot and the time off of it has given me the break I needed.  Two weeks ago I was dangerously close to drying up.  But then I was given this time: time to read, to hear, to see and to feel so much all at once.

Nothing I have come up with this week is new, but it feels new to me.  It feels like the moments just after you drink a fresh green juice and you can feel it nourishing your cells.  Last week I began asking myself: does this feel like love? It felt so right to be coming from that place, but it was astonishing how many times I said no.

I’ve decided that my mission needs to be to re-establish my relationship with love.  The first step needs to be to stop coming from a place of fear, so I have done a few radical things.  I have ‘unsubscribed’ from all of the mailing lists and websites that are only out to capitalize on my fears about myself or that promise me anything for a one time low price of $397 (regularly $6000.)  I have promised myself that I will never put myself on a diet again, and I have committed to asking the question as many times a day about as many things as possible: Does this feel like love?

I know I am new at this, so I have also committed to go gently.  A young grasshopper must take it slowly!  But being love’s apprentice feels like a wonderful thing to have to work at.

“When you say something like [I love you]… with your whole being, not just with your mouth or your intellect, it can transform the world.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“we need to be reminded that we are part of something larger than our own frightened self.” – Tara Brach