I am not an artist.
I need to be honest with you:
I’m scared.
I am scared of you.
When I had the idea for this website, I knew that an important part of it was me making my wings. I knew that I wanted to really look at my rules and then create something that showed whether or not I was accepting them.
It sounded simple at the time.
What I didn’t realize is that one of the first things I would need to do is confront my artistic insecurities. I’ve been ready to make another feather for weeks now, but I am scared of my art not being good. I am not an artist. I can embrace creative, but artist is not a label I have ever dreamed of giving myself.
The trouble is that while I have been hiding my fears from you, my posts have shriveled up. Avoiding the problem has made me and my writing feel tight and dry. I realized today that by allowing myself to be ruled by just one fear, my whole life gets smaller. And smaller is NOT what we are looking for! I guess “I am not an artist” needs to be on my list of rules to change.
It’s going to be a more interesting journey that I thought.
Designed by Random
maybe changing your definition of what an “artist” is would help? feels like a big step, to go from “not an artist” to “i am an artist” and changing what artist means to you could help make it a gentler and easier step to take.
i fully believe that we are ALL artists.
We should have t-shirts that say this – I think we all feel this way. I actually made an altered book once & called it No Art, the word art behind that circle thing with a slash through it, thinking it would loosen me up for the book. No such luck, the brain can’t decipher negatives and all it saw was art, art, art, and the book was never finished.
You are fine, you are good, this is part of the journey – a sucky part, yes, but a part. PLEASE don’t hide your fears; it will help.
i love you !! i am not an artist either but i’ve been making art messes and loving it. hmmm. maybe i agree with abccreativity, we are all artists. why do we attach so much significance to these labels anyway? its just another way of letting fear hold us back i think … i don’t know but it took me years and years before i could call myself a photographer and i still choke on the words and you know i’ve been published, been part of cool shows and had people hand me over cheques to take their portraits and still, i find it hard …
regardless, i love that you shared yourself here. that is very powerful i think. xoxox
I think you’re too hung up on the label. Call yourself whatever you want, but you’re doing great stuff. I can’t wait to see more of it.
Just in the past month I’ve reached a place where I can actually say, “I’m an artist” without hesitating over the word. I used to say, “I’m an.. uh… I’m an…Art– I’manArtist.” I really exuded confidence, and inspired potential clients. It was great.
Now, I can say it sounding confident, but I still feel like a complete fraud. Maybe I always will. But I keep making stuff because it’s who I am. A maker of stuff. And I think it’s who you are, too. Otherwise, you wouldn’t feel stuck over the label.
The site looks fantabulous, by the way! Gorgeous! yay, you!
don’t be an artist.
just be you.
whatever that means, whatever it leads you to do. don’t let mere words tie you down so your wings are disempowered and your soul starts to shrink.
and embrace the fear. eat it up, let it colour your inner darkness, let it radiate out of you. I personally use fear to inform my work. I tramp along the fault lines of my self-doubt and insecurities, and find the most wonderful treasures there.
if it matters at all, I think you’re amazing.
messy unsure unclear blocked (just throw in whatever adjective you like) doesn’t make you not an artist – it makes you real..and that makes you an artist
I know this feeling. I so understand this. The artist title alone is enough to tighten my words. ; ) “This too shall pass” my new friend. : )
I’m all for defying labels, and daring to live life without the constraints and connotations. All that matters is that we are authentic and true to ourselves. That we keep it real.
Your new blog is lovely! I especially love the badge on the right. xx
Oh honey, if only you knew how magnificent you are! You are an artist in so many different ways. Anything you create…anything…makes you an artist, a creative being extraordinaire. (did I spell that right?)
Fear is such a big monster, isn’t it? I can honestly say that I feel it too, when it comes to this project…but at the very same time, I am SO EXCITED about it! I want to put a lot of careful thought into what my wings are made of…it takes a great deal of really looking at myself, which isn’t always easy. Especially when the fear monger is close at hand.
What I am trying to say in this jumble of words, is that I am with you. Through the fear, through the love..through all of it.
Love you!!! xo
you know your posts always leave me with something to think about
(hence the reason it’s often days later before i leave a comment!)
amd always make me think,
“damn that girl has just been right in my head again!”
i feel so not an artist,
yet everything i crave seems to be related to that word.
it’s scary.
and i find myself procrastinating,
hesitant… all you’ve articulated here far more eloquently.
but comments here are right,
and i think deep down inside we know it.
i am SO happy to see you not only create wings,
but start spreading em too
xo
Hello Megg,
I surfed to your site from a link on some other
site I surfed to.
HOW *beautiful* your blog is. !!
I LOVE the easy, breezy look of it and the
content just has me going … Awwwww.
AND…. it’s a baby blog. Just a few months old.
I was struck by your post here. I have been there
saying.. ‘I am not an artist’. I am sharing a bit
of something I posted on my blog a few years back.
Here’s to the ~*~ ARTIST ~*~ in US ALL.
Oct 12, 2006
Sometime within the past 2 years upon sharing the drawing
I did of an Angel and Soldier with my dog’s vet
she said to me ………….
“Ohhhhhhhh you’re an artist”.
When I heard Dr Alice say that, I thought to myself….
‘Monet, Van Gogh, and Renoir were artists” — “I only paint”.
This thought happened at nearly the speed of light….
but my outward response was……….
“Well, I guess you could say that”.
That conversation STUCK and STUCK in my head.
Until finally I came to KNOW and UNDERSTAND……
“YES” !!!!!!!!!!!!
“I am an artist” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve thought about and tried to explain my reluctance
at calling myself an ‘artist’, I suppose it has much to do
with my previously underdeveloped self esteem.
Today, I am quite comfortable in calling myself…
“An artist”. I know my ability to paint and draw and be
creative is a God given talent.
http://deb_inside.typepad.com/photos/debs_art/angel1.html
XO XO
Deb Estep – ARTIST